A Slice Of Fried Gold

bananas

2009-01-22T10:33:00.000-08:00

bananas of seattle is my new flickr account in which i show off my collection of candid photographs of banana peals.

each one is meticulously photographed in situ and is not in any way touched or arranged by me.

most of them where taken with my phone so the resolution is pretty crappy.

Murder Most Foul

2008-07-22T08:01:00.000-07:00

Yeah. So last night around 11:30, I was outside having a smoke before bed, just hanging with the cat on the front steps when from around the other side of my house I heard a quick "BLAM! BLAM! (slight pause here) BLAM!".

It was obviously gunshots and not fireworks. Big Kitty took off running and I hopped quickly into the house, locking the door behind me. The ghoul came upstairs pretty quickly and Marie hopped out of bed. I peeked out the windows for a few minutes wondering if I should call the police when a squad car drove up. I got my shoes on and went back outside to talk to the officers.

I turned the corner onto Columbia and saw the cops standing over a guy laying on the sidewalk. Thinking that I would just be in the way I went back inside and waited. The police put up "Police Line : Do Not Cross" tape all over my front yard. My driveway was completely sealed in red "Crime Scene" tape.

More police came. Then a fire truck and an ambulance. A while later, through my bedroom window I heard someone say that "Homicide is on the way".

I finally drifted off to sleep, but not for long. Around 1:15 the cops knocked on the front door and took statements form Marie and I. He was followed immediately by the homicide detective, who asked pretty much the same questions, but wanted a few more details.

The police said there were conflicting reports from people about the number of shots. I heard three, Marie heard two and it seems like our neighbors were undecided also.

There were police in my yard all night.

This morning I woke up early. Swarms of news vans were parked outside. I waited as long as I could, but finally had to go have a smoke. Fox news was on Marie and I like a hawk. I got to answer a few questions for the camera. I gave my name as "Heywood Jablowme" (sound it out) but the reporter wasn't buying it.

Anyway, I may be on the news today. If I can find a video of me online I'll post it.

Here's a quick link to a story about the incident on centraldistrictnews.com.

For those of you who follow my blog religiously here's an update to the samurai sword incident I blogged about a couple months ago. I guess the woman didn't chop anyone up like I had been led to believe. If you watch the video, the second half where they interview the police woman was filmed in front of my house.

*edit* I know this post is full of grammatical errors. I'm to tired to care. I only slept like four hours last night.

my backpack's got jets...

2008-06-18T11:30:00.000-07:00

Not really, but I do have a new tattoo, stolen straight off a certain bounty hunter's Mandalorian body armor.

Besides that not too much has been going on. Preparing for the baby (less than four months to go!) and playing tons of GTA 4.

I celebrated another b-day last week. A very mellow affair, which consisted mostly of me working all day, but when I got home there was a gift waiting for me. A giant box full of 420 reese's peanutbutter cups. Yeah, Marie rocks. Oh, and I found $13 dollars in the parking lot of the Tamarind Tree. All in all, it was an ok day.

2008-06-04T14:43:00.001-07:00

Where to begin?

Got some family here from out of town, with more arriving this evening. They're moving to Seattle from Florida. They got a place way down on S. Graham and Rainier 'cuz they're too lame to live in the city.

D&D 4E comes out in like 2 days.

I acquired God Of War: Chains Of Olympus for my PSP. It rocks. Just as intense as the PS2 GOWs.

I want an iphone.

And because I'm not in the mood to write anything more...

Some links to friend's blogs:

The Photo Tells The Story

brk for short

That is all.

Xbox 360 in the house and other news

2008-05-13T16:45:00.000-07:00

Yeah, so Eva bought her kids an Xbox 360, but decided not to give it to them yet. I, being the responsible person I am, have been chosen to watch over and take care of it until Eva deems her kids ready.

She dropped it off, still in shrink wrap, with a copy of Halo 3. It sat there for a couple of days until I could rustle up a copy of Dead Rising. I'm sure Halo 3 is great, but Dead Rising has zombies. Lots of zombies. In a shopping mall. I'm sure I don't need to explain any further.

Fave weapon so far? The sledgehammer. It just feels good to swing that bad mother around, cracking skulls from one end of the mall to the other. Damn.

In other news, Marie is with child. In a few months another daughter will grace our household.

Belladonna Fey is scheduled to be born on October 12th. If I had a scanner I'd post the ultrasound so you can all see what she looks like right now. But I don't, so you'll have to wait.

Best Obituary Ever

2008-03-13T23:43:00.000-07:00

Stolen from The Chaser...

Gary Gygax fails saving throw vs heart attack
Thursday, 06 March 2008

More than 5000 men and three women, clutching dog-eared rulebooks and dice, have gathered outside Dungeons & Dragons creator Gary Gygax's Wisconsin home this week, after learning the American game designer had died at the age of 69. Although official reports have blamed a heart attack, archmage Mordenkainen is claiming responsibility and demanding experience points for the kill.
According to his family, Gygax, who also created boardgames, chess variants and the phrase "goddamn rules lawyer", was found in bed on Tuesday morning. After checking for a pulse, his daughter searched the body for loot, finding 2d6 gems, a potion of healing and a mysterious map.

His widow Gail issued a statement yesterday afternoon: "Until a high-level cleric of the sun god Pelor can be found to cast a resurrection spell, Gary's body will be interred in the Tomb Of Horrors, near the Keep On The Borderlands, where it will be safe from vile necromancers."

The funeral will be a quiet, private affair, with the family asking orcs, red dragons and Demogorgon, Prince Of Demons And Lord Of All That Swims In Darkness not to attend. "We'd also ask D&D fans to refrain from rubbing their dice on Gary's corpse for luck," said Mrs Gygax.

Apparently there has been some dispute over Gygax's will, with a sum of 500 platinum pieces still to be allocated. In accordance with his wishes, and first edition D&D rules, Gary will be buried with his vorpal sword and plate mail +5.

With Gygax's passing, George Lucas has officially assumed the mantle of "Most Influential Nerd Alive".

These girls rock my nerdy world, also.

2007-12-03T21:40:00.000-08:00

1-900-NERD-GIRL

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Vern Fonk Rocks My Nerdy World

2007-12-03T11:26:00.000-08:00

I love this guy. I might buy a car just so I can pay for over-priced insurance from him.

"Get a quote on the phone or log on to the interMet"

Thanksgiving Morning At Freeway Park

2007-11-24T09:46:00.000-08:00

Here's some pics for you all to enjoy. Also, I'm reconnected to the internet, so expect emails and chess games to resume shortly. And by shortly, I mean this evening or tomorrow morning.

I'd like to write a brief description of each photo, but I'm running a bit late for work. Maybe later.

yay!!

2007-11-24T01:42:00.000-08:00

i have the internet in my house. i am very happy. i came home ant thetre it was.

Well...

2007-11-23T11:11:00.000-08:00

I couldn't take the pressure and haven't posted for the last few days. It's not really my fault, what with my internet connection being down and all.

Anyway, with any luck I'll be hooked back up this afternoon and ready to resume posting. I'm still going to try and finish the month out, even if I have missed a few days.

Also, I got up early yesterday morning and headed out to Freeway Park with Marie's new camera. I took about one hundred pics and am currently culling the weaker ones so I can post the best for you all to enjoy.

Today...

2007-11-19T16:42:00.000-08:00

I went to Lake City and visited Elo and Pam at work. They were very busy and didn't have to much time to chit-chat, but it was nice to see them none-the-less. I meant to stop by the hobby/gaming shop across the street, but when the time came I decided against going in as I didn't have too much money to spare and a trip there would have cost me tons.

To sum up: I rode the bus for an hour, spent about half an hour talking to some friends and spent another hour on the bus to get home. The solitude was nice.

And on the way home I went through downtown and got to ride in the bus tunnel for the first time. It was neat, but creepy in a Silent Hill sort of way.

???????

2007-11-18T14:43:00.001-08:00

I wrote an entry, but it hasn't shown up yet. I hope it does.

Games at Eric's

2007-11-18T14:28:00.000-08:00

Well, I'm back at Kinko's paying for internet access. It's only .20 cents a minute and it really beats using the library's computer.

New stuff... I went over to my new friend Eric's house last night. We played some games, the best of which is called Cash and Guns. The gist of the game is that each turn all the players sort of re-enact the closing scene of Reservoir Dogs. Everyone has a toy gun. At the count of three everyone points their gun at another player. If a lot of guns are pointed at you you can opt to duck and lose your shot and any money you may have earned for that round. It's a fun party game and the more people playing the better it is.

We also played a game called Mall Of Horror, where you play as a group of survivors hiding in the Monroeville Mall (yay!) during a zombie apocalypse. Instead of fighting the zombies, every one in the store which is being attacked votes on who gets shoved out the door to feed the living dead.

When Eric's wife got home I was surprised (though I shouldn't have been) to find that I recognized her. She's a regular at Value Village. It seems that anywhere I go in Seattle I see someone that I at least know by face, if not by name, just because they shop at the Village.

That is all for today. See you tomorrow.

post

2007-11-17T17:47:00.001-08:00

No internet for another week. Can you hear my soul weeping?

Look Out For Open Manholes

2007-11-16T17:33:00.000-08:00

I was on my way to the library to blog when I fell down a manhole. I was drinking a cup of coffee and thinking so I didn't notice that the cover was off. Nor did I notice the yellow caution tape or the bright orange pylons stacked all around the manhole. Oh, and I didn't notice the man in the yellow hardhat yelling. Well, that's not actually true. I heard him yelling but I didn't think that the, "Hey, Buddy! You're going to fall down that manhole!" was directed at me.

Yes, I'm OK. Luck was with me. The fall was pretty far but there was a big mushy pile of mud at the bottom. I did spill my coffee though. That sucked.

Anyway, once I worked my way out of the big mushy pile of mud I started to look around for a way to get back out again. I could hear the traffic above me and what sounded like the guy in the yellow hard hat yelling at someone. At first I figured that I could just wait until the guy in the yellow hard hat yelled at enough people to get me out. However it was very very smelly down there next to the big pile of mushy mud. In fact, upon inspecting the big pile mushy mud it seemed that it wasn't only mushy, it was slimy too.

I let my eyes adjust to the darkness, tucking my nose in the collar of my t-shirt to help filter out some of the stink. It was then that I saw it- a big, mean, hairy dog like thing hunched in the corner under some pipes. There was slime dripping out from between its teeth. Not good.

Don't get me wrong, I like dogs but this thing wasn't going to go on my Cute or Friendly list any time soon. In fact this thing had just moved directly to the top of my Things I Wouldn't Want to Be Stuck 30 Feet Below Street Level In a Confined Space With list.

It made this very low, gravely growling noise in the back of it's throat and clicked it's teeth together slowly. I backed up trying to feel behind me for something I could use as a weapon. All I felt was that disgusting slime coating everything.

The big, mean, hairy dog-thing raised it's head up. I could see the slime covering it's black nose. Then it suddenly sneezed. Yes, it sneezed and covered me in slime. The hairy dog thing then lowered its head and wined. The damned thing had a cold.

Before I could really decide what to do, the last five feet of a white nylon rope plopped on my head. I looked up and saw that the guy in the yellow hard hat (who was still yelling) had gathered a group of people together and managed to send a rope down to me. From what I could see it looked like they were poised to haul me up. The dog thing with a cold started making those noises again so I grabbed the rope, eager to avoid another slime bath and I was pulled up.

So, I had to go back home shower and burn my clothes and then head back to the library, this time looking out for open manholes.

Phone Issues and Dramatic Weight Loss

2007-11-15T10:33:00.000-08:00

At the library again...

After I bought the Ghoul her cell phone I decided the family no longer needed a land line. It was cancelled and all was good until we received a call from the Nielsens. They need us to have a land line for their equipment to call out on. I was unwilling to hook it back up so they offered to pay for it.

It took a few weeks and a few visits from the phone company and the Nielsen people, but yesterday the phone was hooked back up and everyone was happy. Or rather, should have been happy. You see, because our phone line is in someone else's name it has a different account number and line into the house. Our house is old and only has one phone line, so that means our dsl got pushed out of the way to make room for the phone. No internet for me.

I talked to Qwest yesterday and they told me it would cost about $100 dollars to have them come out and wire our house for two lines. I meant to call the Nielsen people today and ask them to pay for it (I'm sure they will) but I decided I needed to go to the library and keep up with this whole NaBloPoMo thing instead. Maybe tomorrow.

And in some news of the weird I've been rapidly losing weight. I think it has a lot to do with my erratic sleep schedule and how I skip at least one meal a day. And maybe because my appetite is suppressed by all the coffee I drink. Since I'm always tired I'm always drinking coffee... or Dew... or an energy drink.

Anyway in the last three months I've lost about thirty pounds. None of my clothes fit any more. My belt has a bunch of new holes added to it and pants that were far too tight during the summer now hang loosely on me.

Losing this much weight this fast is making me nervous. I'm thinking about scheduling a physical just to make sure there's nothing wrong with me.

Aaargh!

2007-11-14T19:31:00.000-08:00

Here's another short post. My internet is down due to telephone problems. It'll be at least four days before I have internet access again. I'm at the library typing this and all the while there's a little clock in the corner that is counting down how much time I have left before I'm automatically logged out.

No one is ever in the mood for stress, so it just seems silly for me to say "I don't need this right now", so I'm not going to. But really, I don't need this right now.

I'm still tired and pretty cranky. At least I close the store tomorrow so I don't have to go in until the afternoon. I'm going to sleep late.

Bye.

Yet Another Post By Me

2007-11-13T18:05:00.000-08:00

Alright, looking back I see a weeks worth of pretty weak posts. I don't know if I'm up to blogging everyday, but I'm determined to see this month through to the end.

So, let's see what I can come up with today.

Hmmm.... A co-worker described me as fearless the other day due to how aggressively I confronted a shoplifter. I didn't have the heart to tell her that in truth I'm afraid of a lot of things, it's just that shoplifters aren't one of them. Still it made my day.

On Sunday I hung around in Freeway Park for a while. Freeway Park is this big mass of concrete and trees in the middle of downtown. It's built above the freeway (hence the name) and stretches along for a few blocks. It's laid out in a really interesting way. I may take some pics this weekend and post them.

Well, fuck, this is another weak post, I guess. I need some sleep.

I apologize for not keeping up on reading all my friends blogs and I apologize profusely and unreservedly to those of you who are waiting on emails from me. All blogs will be read and all emails will be sent in good time.

2007-11-12T23:56:00.000-08:00

I hate working with deadlines. I'm making this opst with just minutes to spare because I went to the basr after work and now I am drunk and I have to open the store in the mornign.

and the bus didn't come so I had to walk home.

Oh, Shit!

2007-11-11T23:21:00.001-08:00

So there I was, laying in bed and falling asleep when it hit me...

I didn't post today.

So here I am. I don't really have anything to say.

I went to a party last night. It was fun.

That is all.

Lame Post

2007-11-10T08:24:00.000-08:00

I'm going to be busy all day so this weak post is as good as it's going to get.

I stole this pic from PostSecret. Though it's not my secret it may as well be.

I Took A Quiz

2007-11-09T10:10:00.000-08:00

Law's Game Style
created with QuizFarm.com

You scored as Storyteller

You're more inclined toward the role playing side of the equation and less interested in numbers or experience points. You're quick to compromise if you can help move the story forward, and get bored when the game slows down for a long planning session. You want to play out a story that moves like it's orchestrated by a skilled novelist or film director.

Storyteller

92%

Tactician

75%

Method Actor

75%

Specialist

50%

Power Gamer

33%

Butt-Kicker

17%

Casual Gamer

I'm not surprised I scored so low in the Butt-kicker category. We haven't had any combat for our last two game sessions as I keep talking my way out of trouble or finding some way to trick my opponents. I think my DM is getting frustrated.

Music

2007-11-08T10:18:00.000-08:00

Today I'm going to discuss some bands I like.

The first up is Seattle's own Optimus Rhyme. I caught them a long while back at El Corazon with MC Chris and their cd School The Indie Rockers has not left my mp3 player since. I guess they're considered nerdcore, but their version of geek themed rap is a lot less nerdy and much more mature than others I've heard (ahem, MC Chris). If you follow the link above make sure you turn on the music player in the upper right corner of their home page. The first song is Just Forget It. It is good.

Now, If you've talked to me about music before you'll probably have heard of Kyuss. I picked up their second cd, Blues For The Red Sun, shortly after it was released. I'd never heard of them, but their name was so similar to the Sons Of Kyuss (from the D&D book Fiend Folio) that I thought I'd give them a chance. It was the best impulse buy ever. Blues For The Red Sun and Kyuss' next cd Welcome To Sky Valley rank among my all time favorite cds. Good stoner rock. Always melodic and usually heavy Kyuss stands head and shoulders above anything the various members have done since (ahem, Queens of the Stone Age). I'm waiting patiently for a reunion tour. You should watch some Kyuss videos on YouTube. Here's Demon Cleaner and here's Green Machine.

I was going to write about Clutch, but time restraints are making that impossible. I'll just say that I like everything from Impetus to The Elephant Riders. They kinda lost me when they released Pure Rock Fury. I lost interest and haven't sought out any of their newer cds.

p.s. My eye is much better this morning. It's still sore and I have a killer headache (I think from squinting all night), but I'm not blind or anything.

My Eye!!!!

2007-11-07T18:10:00.000-08:00

This afternoon, while running for the bus, I reached up to grab the lit cigarette from my mouth. I misjudged the distance and instead of grabbing the cigarette I mashed it into my face. Sparks flew up into my eyes.

Intense pain! It sucked. I made it to the bus, my eye watering profusely. Something (burning tobacco, duh) was stuck in it.

But when I got home in front of a mirror there was nothing to be found. Upon very close inspection an oval portion of my eyeball is discolored and has a funky texture.

Dr. Dave's analysis? I BURNED MY FUCKING EYEBALL WITH A CIGARETTE!

I am so bummed and in so much pain.

Killer Bunnies Redux and No Work For Gerard Butler

2007-11-06T20:36:00.000-08:00

Alright, I've had a chance to play Killer Bunnies. It was an enjoyable experience. Though the game play is different, the general feel of the game is similar to Munchkin. Each player plays cards to strengthen his position while his opponents do everything in their power to hinder him. Or in my case Player One wallows in miserable stagnation while Players Two and Three (or as I call them: Marie and the Ghoul) gang up on him and play cards to help each other.

So, to sum up: Killer Bunnies is an alright game, but with around 10 expansion decks priced at $12.95 each I don't know if I'll be collecting the whole set.

In other news, Gerard Butler will no longer be playing Snake Plisskin in the 2009 remake of Escape From New York. He backed out citing creative differences. Other sources report that Kurt Russell threw a hissy fit when told a Scot would be playing Snake, the quintessential American anti-hero. The truth? Who knows. I'm only reporting what I heard. You can read the article here, but it won't tell you any more than I just did.

Also, it appears Mr. Butler will no longer be playing the zombie slaying priest, Ivan Isaacs, in the movie adaption of the manga Priest. I think he could have played either of those characters well.

He is still in the running (neck and neck with Bruce Campbell) to play me (Dave) in the movie of my life, tentatively titled Naked Came I or Demon Orgy (more on this film much later).

See ya tomorrow.

The Walking Dead

2007-11-05T16:32:00.000-08:00

Marie and I bummed around Pioneer Square and Downtown today. We stopped by Golden Age Collectibles and I was shocked by the number of games they have which I don't. I grabbed the new issue of The Walking Dead and got out quick before I overspent myself.

The Walking Dead issue #43. Fuck. It's crazy. The last few issues have been really good. I have a feeling the next few are going to be even better... if the sneak peeks we've been allowed to see are true.

Check out this ad if your interested.

No One Is Safe

They've never been shy about killing off characters. I just hope some one I like makes it. But, to be truthful, I hope Lori dies. She bugs the crap out of me.

Geek Out!

2007-11-04T09:54:00.000-08:00

As I promised last night here are some pics from our last D&D session.

Some background, perhaps? I'm playing Derrick, a half-elf 2nd level rogue/1st level sorcerer of unknown parentage. I and my companion, Mog (a 3rd level half-orc barbarian), somehow got mixed up in an attack on the Temple of Mystra in Freeport (an island in the ocean somewhere between Waterdeep and Amn in the Forgotten Realms). Now mysterious bad guys are trying to kill us while we are doing our best to solve the crime and save the day (and hopefully the world).

Our house was trashed by the above unknown bad guys so we spent the night in an inn. I guess we weren't secretive enough about it because in the middle of the night we were attacked. Some sort of sleep inducing smoke grenade was lobbed into our room. The first thing I did was fail my save and I passed out before the combat even began.

My figure is the one in the middle laying down, asleep.

Raixel (the DM) positions an enemy.

Eventually I woke up and joined the fight in time to win. My miniature is the one on the left standing on the rectangle which, if you use your imagination, is actually a bed.

In true D&D fashion we stripped the bodies of their treasure before the city guard came. I got a set of masterwork leather armor. Of course I had to explain to the guards why our attacker was dead and in his underwear in my room. But it all ended up OK.

Tonight when we play, Mog and I have an appointment to meet with the head of the Thieves Guild to negotiate for access to the sewers. I've heard they are full of were-rats.

Killer Bunnies

2007-11-03T21:44:00.000-07:00

Today I went to work and I worked all day. I'm sure some interesting or noteworthy thing happened but for the life of me I can not think of one right now. I am worn out.

I did buy a new game. It's called Killer Bunnies. I have not played it yet but it looks fun in a nice, friendly bunny rabbit murdering way. The object is to keep your bunnies alive and collect carrots while trying to kill your opponents bunnies. I don't know if you can steal carrots from people. I will post a review when I finally get around to playing it. It may take a while as I have not even played Star Munchkin yet and that one was purchased weeks ago.

This is a pretty short post. Tomorrows will be better. I may post some pics of our D&D game in action. Or maybe not 'cuz they're kinda lame. Most of the pictures I took are just of our miniatures arranged on the battle mat.

Oh, and when I picked up Killer Bunnies I bought Marie a t-shirt that says "Nerds Have Big Hard Drives".

I Never Finish Anything

2007-11-02T10:59:00.000-07:00

I'd like to start this post by discussing my "To Read" pile. It is large. Larger than it has been for a long time. And it is growing. With purchases, loans and library books the list expands daily. So why don't I read some of them and get the pile back to manageable levels?

Well, it's not so easy. My new work schedule prohibits spending long periods of time on any project including reading. And the fact is I can't acquire a new book without beginning to read it, at least to "test the water", as it were. So in addition to having large amounts of books which need to be read I have large amounts of partially read books littering my house. Fifty pages read in this one, one hundred read in that one. So when I do find a moment to read it's not as easy as picking up whatever book I'm currently reading and having a go at it. I have to decide which book I'm reading I'd like to continue with at that moment.

The same goes for video games. I'm currently playing no less than than four games so of course none of them are in any way approaching completion. Not even Fallout 2, in which I am so near the end I can taste it.

What's going on here? I certainly have the desire to see things through to the end, but it's no so easy in practice. Like I said my work schedule is a little crazy. Some days I open the store, other days I close it. I feel tired a lot just because I can't get on a steady sleep schedule. I've stopped (once again) casting spells in an attempt to clear my mind. So far it hasn't worked. I've come to the conclusion that I simply need to buckle down and and use whatever time I have to it's fullest.

My goals? Read those books, write those stories, email my writing exercises to Erin, send James the pirate ships I promised him, finish those games and get off my ass!

This is my promise to you: I WILL DO STUFF!!! (as soon as I get around to it).

NABLOPOMO

2007-11-01T10:43:00.000-07:00

Well, I almost didn't do this whole month of posting thing. Every time I tried to sign up my computer froze. Finally, the fourth time worked.

So what are the rules for this? Do weak posts like this one count? 'Cuz this is all I'm posting today.

I'm tired. And a little cranky.

A Story In Which I Miss Most Of The Excitement

2007-10-25T10:51:00.000-07:00

Well, today is the 25th and I have a writing assignment which is supposed to be emailed out today. Alas, it's recipient is waiting in vain. I have not finished it and rather than doing so I'm blogging (sorry Erin!). I feel like a heel.

The story begins on Tuesday of this week. I was sitting in the park eating a piroshky (corned beef and mushroom, since you asked) and reading The Coming of Conan the Cimmerian, a collection of Robert E. Howard's first Conan short stories. The sun was shining and it was warm. I was calm and having a good time, but my day didn't begin that way, did it?

It was my day off. I rolled out of bed around 9:30 and lazily threw on a pair of pants. I stumbled, bleary eyed into the back room (which is actually located at the front of the house - don't ask) to check my emails. Now, I remembered that the day before had been quite nice and sunny so I opened the blinds to see if luck would be on my side two days in a row. Sunlight cascaded into the room. I rejoiced. Sunny days are ephemeral will-o-the-wisps this time of the year in Seattle. I glanced out the window to get a better view of the outdoors. "That's odd" I thought. "I don't remember there being a yellow stripe right outside my window." I paused for a moment. There were letters on the stripe. They read "ENIL ECILOP". Now, of course, the letters were not only in backwards order, but also they appeared as mirror images of themselves. It took a few seconds for me to realize I was reading the letters backwards through the yellow stripe and arrange them properly. Crime scene tape? Right outside my house! I stretched and looked out the window. Nothing to see. My view was blocked by a big black SWAT Team van. A SWAT van! I ran upstairs as fast as I could and tore open the curtains in the living room.

As far as the eye could see (about a block, really) was a mass of yellow tape, police cars, black SWAT vans and guys wearing various uniforms and full on body armor! I swear to God there were even a few Humvees. The uniformed cops stood on the corner directing traffic and keeping people away from the area. Guys in body armor strutted around importantly. An ambulance turned on it's siren and zoomed away.

Shirtless, I burst out the front door. "What's going on?" I shouted. A uniformed police man looked at me then looked away and didn't answer.

"Some woman was walking around with a samurai sword and attacked someone", announced a voice behind me. I turned. My next door neighbors, the one we share the duplex with were all out on their steps watching the scene. The one who spoke was the mother of the five or so kids who swarm around our neighborhood.

"No shit? Really?" I asked.

"Yeah. She cut up some guy on the sidewalk just before," She replied. "Then she ran into that apartment." My neighbor pointed at a door of an apartment complex katty-corner across the street from our house. A continuous line of police men and what I assumed to be detectives filed in and out. "I thought you were at work or school or something, 'cuz you weren't out here watching."

"I just got out of bed", I answered. We talked for a few minutes while I smoked and watched what was going on. My neighbors didn't know any more details and nothing seemed to be happening across the street.

I went inside to make some coffee and when I returned most of the police and SWAT were gone and they were taking down the yellow tape.

Now, I've searched the internet and can't find any confirmation of my neighbors story. I found no mention in the Seattle papers of a sword wielding mad-woman. I'll continue to search and post a link if I find something.

Lazy Post

2007-09-27T11:08:00.000-07:00

I got my Sci-fi crew assignment and I couldn't be happier.

You scored as a Heart of Gold (Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy)
You are a light and humorous person. No one can help but to smile to your wit. Now if only the improbability drive would stop turning you into weird stuff.

Which sci-fi crew would you best fit in with? (pics)
created with QuizFarm.com

Shaun of the Dead

2007-08-31T10:14:00.000-07:00

Last night Shaun of the Dead was shown at Rainier Square Roof Park. I had never been there before and was pleasantly surprised. It is a nice little atrium/patio on the back side of the Rainier Building. I don't have a photo of it handy which is unfortunate because the architecture is interesting. Anyway, they've been showing films there every Thursday throughout the summer. Shaun was the first one we went to. A special occasion such as this practically demanded some costuming.

The film was set to start about a half hour after sundown. We set out about 8:00 pm. We made it about 2 1/2 blocks before a friendly police man pulled over in his car and asked a few pointed questions about the stains on my clothing. Personally, I think it was rather obvious that I was wearing some sort of costume, but I guess he felt it was better to be safe than sorry. Maybe he was thinking of those cops who ran into Dahmer and his victim and let them both go.

He seemed satisfied with my answers and we were back on the way to downtown. The bus ride was fun. I got a lot of stares and no one would sit next to me.

Disappointingly, no one recognized me as Shaun until we actually got to Rainier Square. There were a few other Shauns there, though if I may drop all false modesty, my costume was the best.

Before the film began, a trivia contest was held. I was not picked from the audience to participate which is just as well as the the winners of the first two rounds received a copy of the Zombie Survival Guide. I have no need for another copy. The third round was a hoot. The showed a clip from Thriller and all the contestants were told to watch carefully. When it was done the six unlucky audience members were told to imitate Michael Jackson's dancing as best they could. Four of them were knocked out pretty quickly and the remaining two had a sudden death dance off. The winner went home with to tickets to the Seattle debut of Spamalot! Lucky!

Then the movie started. It was great to watch it on the big screen again.

But it got cold. Marie and the Ghoul were covered up completely under the blanket, totally ignoring the movie. We ended up leaving halfway through. I took off my bloody shirt to avoid any further interactions with the police on the way home.

I'm sorry about the poor quality of the photos, but we were a bit rushed.

NUTS!!!

2007-08-30T14:47:00.000-07:00

So, today I had the pleasure to be walking along the sidewalk with my eleven year old daughter (hereafter referred to as The Ghoul) and my four year old nephew (Boy). We were coming home from the store where I had purchased a rather large plastic sword for the Boy. Unable to resist, I took the sword from him and swung it wildly about. One swipe nearly hit The Ghoul in the face which precipitated an argument between us. It was a loud, raucous argument and it raged for quite a while. It is here that we pick up the story...

Boy: Stop fighting you guys!

Me: No!

Boy: Uncle Dave, stop acting crazy!

Me: Look who's giving me advice on not being crazy.

Boy: What?

Me: You're the craziest guy I know.

Boy: Are not!

Me: Are too!

Boy: Maybe I should just slap myself in the NUTS then!

Me: See, That's what I'm talking about.

Boy: What?

Me: A normal, sane person wouldn't threaten to do that.

Boy: Oh. OK.

It doesn't look so funny in print. At the time I couldn't stop laughing.

Anyway, tomorrow I'll be posting pics of our costumes from the outdoor showing of Shaun of the Dead tonight at Rainier Square Roof Park.

!Ay Carumba!

2007-08-26T23:50:00.000-07:00

Last weekend some sort of anti-graffiti squad painted over all the graffiti at my place of business. This weekend, while strolling in to begin my shift, I was shocked (nah, pleased, really) to see that someone had used the freshly painted walls to convey a message of extreme importance.

God bless this Simpsons fan, whoever he may be.

Struck From On High

2007-07-19T07:33:00.000-07:00

The other day I was thinking about buying a new hat. That old Simpson's one I've been using to cover my head was getting rather worn out. After looking for a store that sold cheap, yet fashionable hats I decided it was too much work and I really didn't want a new hat anyway. Then, as I headed downtown to get some food, I heard (and felt) an annoying splat. A bird had crapped on my head! Now, I'm not one who believes in omens or signs from above, but it was hard to deny that now I needed a new hat. I went to the Army surplus store and bought an antique WWI German helmet (with the spike on top!) and wear it everywhere with pride.

Ok, I lied. I bought a plain black army baseball style hat. I think it looks nice.

And, I should note that even though my hat took the brunt of the bird bomb, it did splatter all over the rest of my clothes. I pretended not to notice...

Fucking pigeons.

Books and What-not

2007-07-15T17:31:00.000-07:00

Here's an old meme that I just came across. It's all about books.

One book that changed your life: The Road, by Cormac McCarthy

One book you’ve read more than once: Truthfully, I read almost every book more than once.

One book you’d want on a desert island: Probably The Lord Of The Rings. It's good and long.

One book that made you laugh: In The Company Of Ogres, by A. Lee Martinez

One book that made you cry: Watership Down, by Richard Adams

One book you wish had been written: I don't know. That's a tough one.

One book you wish had never been written: Every book should be written.

One book you’re currently reading: Twilight Watch, Sergei Lukyanenko

One book you’ve been meaning to read: Don Quixote. I've just never got around to it.

2007-07-08T16:46:00.000-07:00

Always one to jump on the band wagon, I guess I'll give this a go.

You know the rules. First letter of your name... yadda yadda

Your name: David
1. Famous singer/band: Dropkick Murphys
2. Four letter word: Damn!
3. Street: Drury Lane
4. Color: dun
5. Vehicle: Dodge Daytona (two points!)
6. Things in a souvenir shop: dumb shit
7. Boy name: Dirk
8. girl name: Daisy
9. Movie title: Day of the Dead
10. Drink: Dew, as in Mountain
11. Occupation: dancer (exotic or otherwise)
12. Celebrity: Dario Argento - is he considered a celebrity? How about David Hasselhoff then?
13. Magazine: Dungeon
14. U.S. City: Detroit
15. Pro sport team: Dallas Cowboys
16. Reason for being late to work: dead
17. Something you throw away: dirty diapers
18. Something you shout: Damn you all to hell! You Maniacs! You blew it up!
19. Cartoon character: Danger Dog (you remember... from the Simpsons)

Well, that's all folks.

A Morning

2007-06-13T10:26:00.000-07:00

Last week I promised someone that I'd blog about an interesting occurrence which I witnessed. This is not that blog. Sorry.

This morning was overcast and grey, but without rain. I walked downtown as usual. I took the longer, but more interesting route through Cal Anderson Park, stopping briefly at the Die Bumble Shrine (a story in itself, but maybe for another day).

After seeing my charges safely to school I stopped for a cup of coffee and had an unpleasant exchange with one of the women at the counter. Not in the best mood to begin with, this short but bitter conversation turned me even more sour.

I walked slowly up to 3rd Ave, sipping my coffee. I wondered how long I'd have to wait for the bus. I passed my usual stop. And the next. I walked to the next stop. I stood on the corner and looked at the bus schedule without seeing it. I had no plans for today. Nothing to do. I turned away and walked west.

Soon enough I came to the public market and wandered around inside for a while watching vendors opening their stalls and preparing for the day. The floor was wet and slippery by the fish markets. I stepped on a clam or oyster shell that had fallen on the floor and escaped the notice of the workers. It crunched under my shoe.

After walking the length of the market, I stopped and enjoyed the view from the small park that overlooks the Sound. I could smell the salt in the air. I glanced around at the other people in the park. Some homeless men down at the other end. A man openly smoking crack at a table near me. He gave me a dirty look. I moved on.

I passed the tattoo shop and found the Hill Climb. Down the stairs and across the street at the bottom is the Seattle Aquarium. I walked north to Pier 62. There was one other man there.

I walked along the railing on the pier, stopping every few feet to look into the water. The smell of salt water and rotting seaweed was heavy in the air. I love that smell.

After a while I noticed what looked to be a discarded condom in the water. Then it turned in the current and I saw it was a jellyfish, creamy and translucent. I could see inside it. It's brain or stomach or whatever organ it was hung suspended in its center, brown and looking like some sort of fungus. A few feet away I spotted another. Then another. Once I knew what to look for I could see they were everywhere.

The farther I walked down the pier, the farther I was from shore, the less and less jellyfish I saw. By the time I reached the end there were no more. I looked at the graffiti on the railing. Somebody loved someone else forever. Someone was travelling and used a marker to record the date she passed through Seattle. I stepped on something. Littering the boards under my feet were caps from syringes.

I walked back to the sidewalk and stood looking over the railing at the crud encrusted rocks below. A dead crab was caught in the tide, being dragged to and fro, and was dashed upon the rocks as each wave came in, then hammered against them again as the waves rolled out.

I walked back to 3rd Ave and waited for the bus. I took a #2 home and slept most of the way.

2007-06-04T10:35:00.000-07:00

Just as I was getting used to being unemployed, I made the mistake of balancing my checkbook and making out a budget for our household. It turns out that without my income we're going to come up just a little bit short each month. Now, there's a few bills, such as school tuition, which will disappear in the summer making things a bit easier, but it's hard to ignore that fact that I should be working. Looks like after my trip to New Mexico I might be shopping around for a job. Value Village said they'd hire me back, no questions asked, and while it doesn't pay very well it is a nice place to work and I like (almost) everyone there. I wonder if they'll let me work nights and weekends?

Our gaming group met for the second time last night. It went well, even if we got bogged down for over an hour due to a simple encounter that escalated into a fight-for-their-life situation (punctuated, as always, by some bad rolls that dragged the fight on far too long). It was kinda cool to see the players put two and two together and realize that as bad as the zombie infestation currently is, it's about to get a lot worse. I think they've given up hope of 'solving' the problem and are preparing to head for the hills and hide out for a while. As if that will help...

I finally got around to watching Night Watch and Day Watch this weekend. They were fun to watch and beautifully filmed, but I was a bit disappointed. A lot of the time it seemed as if the special effects were there just to be pretty and actually interfered with the story (which was rather vague and confusing). If you're interested, read the books first, then see the films.

Plane vs. Bus

2007-05-22T13:10:00.000-07:00

After Delta denied my credit card but charged my account anyway, I put planning my New Mexico trip on the back burner. The money was put back in my account today so I hopped on the net and started checking out airfares.

I'm really tempted to ignore air travel all together and go Greyhound. On the plus side: two round trip bus tickets cost less than one airline ticket. On the downside: travel time is 36 hours (minimum) each way.

Being unemployed I think I can spare the time. I'm just wondering if bus travel is as unpleasant as I remember it. With my luck, it's probably worse than I remember it. I'm also not sure how well my daughter would cope with such a long ride. I'll sleep on it and decide in the morning.

What else is new? 28 Weeks Later spawned a 36 hour cold war between my wife and I, but I'll spare you the details. It's still too painful to discuss. Well, not really. It's actually kinda funny. I just don't want to have to explain it.

The day after I made my last post I got a call from my local Nielsen representative. The first thing he asked was if I told anyone that we're a Nielsen family. I panicked for a moment on the absurd notion that they read my blog (yeah, right), but it turns out it's a standard question they ask everyone. Anyway, I got bored rather quickly with the questions he was asking and changed the subject. We then spent about half an hour discussing who the best Doctor Who was (Tom Baker, without a doubt, but we both also like Christopher Eccleston). And unofficially (as he would get in trouble with his superiors) we also discussed the best sites for viewing pirated tv shows.

Also, I recently decided that stewed tomatoes are one of the most disgusting things a person can find in a can. I didn't always feel this way, but I happen to live with someone who feels the perfect addition to any (and by God I mean any) recipe is a can of stewed tomaotoes. meh.

My Vote Counts

2007-05-17T12:19:00.000-07:00

So, a few months ago a got a questionnaire from that one company who monitors peoples television viewing habits. They asked me not to name them, but there's really only one outfit that compiles tv ratings, right? Any way, I filled it out rather facetiously with a red magic marker using as many expletives as I could. I popped it in the s.a.s.e. they provided and sent it off, promptly forgetting all about it.

Sometime later I received another letter. They asked me to give them a call. "Hah!" I thought and stuffed it under a couch cushion which is where I file paperwork. (No, really I do. It drives Marie crazy to find months of unsorted credit card receipts and envelopes stamped "Important! Reply Immediately!" every time she lifts a cushion.) Again, I promptly forgot about it.

Fast forward a few more weeks. One afternoon while sitting on my front stoop smoking a cigarette this attractive young lady walked up holding a brown paper sack.

"Are you David Sxxxxxxx?"

I thought about lying or just running inside and locking the door. I glanced around nervously. "Yeah."

"I'm so-and-so from that company we don't want you to talk about. We'd like to stick a bunch of electronic equipment in your house and monitor what you watch on tv."

"Um, what's in it for me?"

"I have this bag full of chocolates and two pounds of Starbucks coffee." I must have looked skeptical. "And we'll pay you."

"Oh, ok. Where do I sign?"

She showed me and I signed. I spent the afternoon eating chocolate and drinking coffee.

Now, every time I turn on my television my vote gets counted toward which shows are successful.

I hope you all like Futurama reruns.

And by the way, Junk sucked balls. Twenty seconds into it I remembered that I 'd seen it before and didn't like it. I returned it saying it wouldn't play and used the money to buy copies of Good Omens and Neverwhere.

Oh, also Kurt Vonnegut, jr. recently passed away. So it goes. I'd be sad, but I truly believe he wouldn't want anyone to mourn for him.

I Am An Award Winning Poet!

2007-05-16T21:23:00.000-07:00

First, I don't think I ever thanked Nichole for all the great work she did making this blog look nice. Thank you, Nichole.

Second, thanks to everyone for your help picking out which haiku to enter into the Half-Price Books Haiku Contest. Your input allowed me to choose the correct poems and take first place! The one about Donkey Kong won.

I climb a ladder
No! A barrel has hit me
Damn you, Donkey Kong!

Not the best, but good enough, I guess.

The prize for first place was a $25 gift certificate for Half-Price Books. I spent it on a copy of Night Watch by Sergei Lukyanenko and a DVD of the Japanese zombie film Junk.

I'm Addicted To LocoRoco

2007-02-25T10:42:00.000-08:00

I just can't stop playing LocoRoco.

Odds and Ends

2007-02-06T17:38:00.000-08:00

1- My beloved dog, Roxy, was devoured by a prehistoric monster last week. While frolicking along a canal behind a Target store in Florida an alligator lunged from the water and swallowed her whole. At least that's what I was told. I've been led to believe that gators grab you and spin you around under water for a while before they eat you. But that's neither here nor there. Roxy will be missed, but at least she went in an interesting way.

2- As you probably don't know, during my teenage years I co-edited a horror/punk fanzine which has recently turned up on this website which chronicles the Milwaukee punk scene from the 80's and 90's. I'm sure I would be horribly embarrassed if I were to come across an issue of Alien Relay today, but it was a fun project back then. I think it was Issue #3 that had my Call of Cthulhu RPG review (yes, I've been a fan of Lovecraft for many,many years).

3- Last week one of my PS2 controllers stopped working. I switched it out for a new one which also stopped working. When the third one died I was rather annoyed. Today, though, I discovered the cause. A certain young kitten (who shall remain nameless) has been chewing through the cords. I suspect that she's also the cause of my malfunctioning phone charger and the lamp in the living room which no longer lights up. I don't know how to get her to stop, but I'll have my revenge. She's getting fixed tomorrow.

4- Lastly, some guy took a shit in a fitting room at work today. He was chased from the store, but came back an hour or so later and tried to do some shopping. He'd changed his clothes, perhaps thinking we wouldn't recognize him.

My Callousness Causes A Woman To Cry

2007-01-29T17:56:00.000-08:00

After reading American Gods again I decided that I needed to learn the rudiments of coin trickery. I bought a book which I studied fastidiously for about two days before I lost interest. Still, though, I carry a pocket full of change in various denominations which I fiddle with when I have time to kill.

On the afternoon in question, I was standing on a somewhat busy street corner waiting for a relative to drop off my daughter while simultaneously attempting (with success, I might add) to turn a Sacajawea dollar into a quarter with the assistance of a fifty cent piece. While attempting the trick for about the fourth time I was approached by a middle aged woman. Her clothes were not shabby, but by no means were they nice.

"Can you spare some change, sir?" she asked. I performed the best trick I know, which is to cause all of my money to disappear rapidly into my pocket.

"No, sorry," I said. It was a stock response. I don't have the time or the inclination to try to separate the scammers and drug addicts from the people in genuine need, and even if I did, I can't help everyone who asks. So as a rule, no one who asks for money on the street gets it.

"Please. I'm not a drunk or anything... " Her voice cracked a bit and her lips were quivering. I started to feel kind of bad. Maybe she really did need help, but again I said no.

Now she began crying in earnest. Tears streamed down her cheeks. "I'm four months pregnant and I gotta buy some food..." She was sobbing loudly. She held out her hands which contained a crumpled dollar bill and some random coins. Less, I noticed, than what I had been playing with earlier.

Now I was embarrassed. Embarrassed because I'd flaunted my money in front of this woman. Embarrassed because she really seemed in need and I'd lumped her in with all the other low-life's who spare change me. Embarrassed because I obviously had money and yet I refused to help her. Now was the time for me to make it right. To say "Sorry, here's a buck." I'd feel good, she'd get some food. But...

I didn't. I was embarrassed and uncomfortable. I just denied her again and walked far enough away so I could no longer hear her crying. I feel like a real dick.

R.I.P.

2006-12-13T17:45:00.000-08:00

Peter Boyle died yesterday of an ailment whose name I don't remember. But it was a serious ailment. Deadly even.

Let's all have a moment of silence while we remember him singing "Puttin' On The Ritz" in Young Frankenstein.

Another Day

2006-12-08T20:32:00.000-08:00

Life is life, which is to say today was another day. I'm tired (I worked), I got paid (a pittance) and did too much running around.

Each morning I shuttle various family members around the city in a borrowed car (I sold mine, remember?), then speed to work. Arriving, usually, with scant minutes to spare. Then I do it all again in reverse order in the afternoon.

I work at a prominent Capitol Hill thrift store (you know the one). I work too hard for the money I make, but I'm not complaining. I asked to work there, after all. I get good deals on spiffy clothing and work with an assortment of colorful characters.

For instance, there's the little Filipino woman who brought me hot lunch from home today. She moved here to go to school. I think she's lonely. She likes to tell me intimate details of her personal life. If you want to know how her last pap smear went, just ask. I can tell you. She's a sweetheart, though. And she resembles a garden gnome (in stature and countanence) but in a cute way that tempts me to pinch her cheeks. She's also a very good cook.

xxx This paragraph has been deleted because I no longer wanted it here. (ds 11.12.07) xxx

All in all, I like my job. I never dread going to work. I don't like the early mornings, though. I miss that first sweet month here that I spent unemployed. I wish there were some way I could be unemployed, yet still make money. And before you suggest it: selling drugs or robbing banks are not viable options. They are both still jobs and probably a lot more work than what I'm doing now.

If you wish to donate some cash so I can sleep late in the mornings, please contact me via email.

A Last Thought:
This afternoon I was attempting to read a book (American Gods, again) but was suffering through constant interuptions from my darling daughter. I reminded her that I was babysitting for her cousins tonight (two loud boys, who love to touch all of my things with hands that are alternately sticky and greasy) and said she should make the most of this quiet time as it would be the last peace she had until bedtime tonight. She replied that "Sleep isn't peaceful. It's just boring and practice for death."
Ah, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

Part One: In Which the Narrator Is Waylaid By Highwaymen

2006-11-29T17:29:00.000-08:00

With the cafe opening pushed back until March (aprox.) Marie has been working at a Safeway about 10 blocks from our house to make ends meet. Unfortunately, as is often the case with grocery store jobs, she is often required to work late. "Late" meaning nine or nine-thirty pm.

Being the gallant gentleman that I am, I have offered to meet her on these late nights so she doesn't have to walk alone. It's actually rather pleasant to take a leisurely stroll in the late evening. It gives me a little quiet time in which to ponder various things. And you all know how I love to ponder... especially as I wander.

But, anyway, she worked until nine last night. I wrapped things up at home and left to meet her around twenty 'til. Seattle is in the midst of a rather bitter cold snap. The ground is coated in slick ice and crunchy snow, which is why, I later realized, I didn't think anything of the two men approaching me with their faces covered in scarves.

I was on 26th Ave, just past E. Spring St., far enough into the block to be out of the circle of light cast by the lone street light on the corner but still almost a whole block from the well lit, heavily travelled Union St.

I nodded hello to the men as we passed and continued walking.

"Hey! You got the time?" the first one shouted.

I turned around. He walked up to me. He was about my size, the other one a bit bigger. Savvy enough to not pull out my cell phone on a dark street, I offered up, with a shrug "Eight-thirty... quarter to nine."

"Eight-thirty," he mumbled, taking another step closer to me. "You got change for a five?"

"Nah, sorry man. I don't," I said.

"Why don't you wanna help me out?" he asked in a menacing tone.

There was movement on my left. His compatriot had left the sidewalk and was circling around me from the street. I moved my hands from my jacket pockets to my pants pockets and felt for my knife.

"I know you got money!" There was no mistaking the threat in his voice now. He stepped forward.

I took two steps backwards, then turned and began walking briskly away. I made it only a few steps before I heard the crunch of two pairs of running feet in the snow.

I whirled around and planted my feet as firmly as I could on the slick sidewalk. My hands flew out of my pockets, in my right I held my pocket knife. With a nudge of my thumb and a flick of my wrist it snicked open.

"I told you I've got no money!" I snarled. The men skidded to a halt on the ice. They looked at my knife, then up at me. We eyed each other for a moment.

I took two steps backwards, then turned and ran to Union.

But in my defense it wasn't an all out fleeing for my life run. I had bared my fangs and growled and my attackers had stopped short. I ran just fast enough to put some distance between us.

The rest of my walk was uneventful.

And that's what I did last night.

Here is a picture of the corner. The action took place on the sidewalk, inbetween the tree and the garbage bin by the car.